Grief and loss are profound human experiences that touch us all throughout our lives. They can feel overwhelming and isolating, yet they are entirely natural responses to the deep connections we forge with others. This page aims to explore what grief is, how it manifests, and ways we can find comfort and meaning as we navigate our way through it.
What is Grief?
Grief is a multifaceted emotion that arises from loss — whether it’s the passing of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, or even the loss of a cherished dream. Unlike a linear and defined process, grief is often unpredictable and varies greatly from person to person. It can bring a wave of feelings: sadness, anger, confusion, and even moments of joy when reflecting on memories. Importantly, these emotions can co-exist, and it's okay to feel them all.
The Discomfort of Sitting with Grief
Alongside navigating the pain of the loss itself, an additional challenging aspect of grief is the discomfort it can create—not just for those experiencing it, but also for the friends and family who want to help and for society at large. In their attempts to ease the pain or alleviate their own discomfort with the complexity of grief, loved ones and others may offer well-meaning but unhelpful responses, such as asking, ‘Are you feeling better today?’ rather than simply asking, ‘How are you feeling?’. Society, with its emphasis on moving on and its valuing of 'strength’, often reinforces subtle pressures to mask the pain of grief. These responses, both personal and societal, can unintentionally deepen an individual’s sense of isolation, as they may feel misunderstood or pressured to hide or rush through their emotions. The truth is, grief isn’t something that can be ‘fixed’ or controlled—it’s a completely natural, deeply personal experience. Often, the most supportive thing we can do is sit with someone in their pain and allow space for all their feelings, without trying to change, speed up the healing process, or diminish them.
The Role of Companionship
Finding someone who can sit with you in your grief without the expectation for you to ‘get better’ can be incredibly healing. Whether it's a friend, family member, or a support group, having a companion who understands that grief is a process — one that will ebb and flow over time — can foster a sense of connection and understanding. Instead of trying to make someone feel better, ask about their loved one, share memories, and simply listen. Recognising significant dates, such as anniversaries, can also show that you care and remember and help people to feel less alone in their grief.
Living with Grief
Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor is it a condition to be cured. It can coexist with a life that continues to hold value and meaning. Over time, people tend to find ways to incorporate their loss into their lives, allowing their experiences to shape who they are and how they connect with the world. For some, spirituality or religion offers a framework for understanding and finding meaning in loss. For others, seeking purpose can manifest in various ways—through creative expression, volunteering, or engaging in activities that bring some fulfilment. For others, it can also reveal new depths within us, offering an opportunity to discover strengths, values, and aspects of ourselves that were shaped and informed by our experience of loss. These pursuits can help to create a sense of connection to something larger than us and provide a pathway to rediscover meaning in our lives after loss. But this is a natural process rather than one we engage in as a way to ‘reduce’ or control the grief.
The Comfort of Animals
Animals, especially furry friends, have been found to be exceptional companions at providing comfort during times of grief. Their unconditional love and non-judgmental presence can help soothe feelings of loneliness and despair. Pets offer companionship that requires nothing in return, reminding us that we are not alone in our journey. They can sense our fear and overwhelm, providing a calming presence when we need it most.
Embracing Your Grief
It’s essential to remember that your grief is valid. Embracing it means allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions, whatever they may be. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve; each person’s journey is unique. Resistance to grief can keep it stuck, while allowing it to be present can lead to emotional movement and healing. Even though life will never be the same, and the pain of loss will always linger, it’s possible for life to regain value and meaning. Happiness cannot be pursued like a goal; instead, it’s about finding ways to coexist with our grief and create a life that reflects both our pain and our joy.
Moving Forward
As you navigate through grief, be gentle with yourself. Allow time and space for your feelings to unfold. Healing does not mean forgetting; rather, it means learning to carry your grief with you as part of you and your story. If you are someone that is navigating your own grief and loss, you are not alone on this journey. Reach out, find companionship, and lean on the right loved ones around you — whether human or animal. There is a way to live fully alongside your grief, and in time, you may discover a new sense of purpose, deeper aspects of yourself, and changed connection to the world around you. Grief will never fully disappear, but also doesn’t mean that it will always completely and endlessly consume you. Over time it can become integrated into your life, and you can rediscover a life with new meaning.
